The Dual Process Model: Why Grief Comes in Waves
Research explains why grieving people oscillate between confronting loss and taking breaks from grief
Multiple high-quality studies with consistent results
Summary
The Dual Process Model (DPM) of coping with bereavement, developed by Stroebe and Schut, provides a framework for understanding why grief is not a linear process. Research consistently shows that healthy grieving involves oscillating between loss-oriented coping (confronting the pain) and restoration-oriented coping (attending to life changes and taking breaks from grief).
Key Findings
- 1Healthy grief involves natural oscillation between confronting loss and engaging in everyday life
- 2People who rigidly avoid either mode (only grieving OR only avoiding) show poorer outcomes
- 3The oscillation pattern is not a sign of "doing grief wrong" — it's how resilient coping works
- 4Cultural and individual differences affect how much time is spent in each mode
- 5Forcing someone to "stay with the grief" or "move on" can both be harmful
What This Means for You
If you're grieving, you might notice that some days you're consumed by your loss, while other days you find yourself laughing, working, or even forgetting for a moment. This is not betrayal or denial — it's your mind's natural way of processing an overwhelming experience in manageable doses.
The research suggests that both modes are necessary: the loss-oriented work helps you process what happened, while the restoration-oriented breaks give you the psychological rest needed to continue that difficult work. Like interval training for the heart, grief seems to work best when intense confrontation alternates with recovery periods.
This has practical implications: don't judge yourself (or others) for having "good days" during grief. They're not a sign of insufficient love or premature moving on. They're part of how humans heal.
Understanding the Dual Process Model
When Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut first proposed the Dual Process Model in 1999, they challenged the prevailing view that grief should follow predictable stages and that "grief work" meant continuously confronting your loss.
Instead, they observed something different in bereaved individuals: a natural back-and-forth movement between two types of coping.
Loss-Oriented Coping
This is what most people think of as "grieving": - Crying and feeling the pain of loss - Looking at photos and remembering - Yearning for the person who died - Processing the reality of what happened
Restoration-Oriented Coping
This is equally important but often misunderstood: - Attending to life changes (new roles, new identity) - Doing new things and forming new relationships - Taking breaks from grief - Denying or avoiding grief temporarily
The Oscillation Is the Process
The key insight is that **oscillation between these modes is not a problem to be fixed — it IS healthy coping**.
Research following bereaved individuals over time found that those who showed flexible movement between confronting their loss and taking breaks from it showed better long-term adjustment than those who were stuck in either mode.
What This Means for You
If you're supporting someone who is grieving: - Don't worry if they seem "fine" one day and devastated the next - Don't push them to "face their feelings" constantly - Don't suggest they "need to move on" when they're in loss-oriented mode - Trust that the oscillation is part of healing
If you're grieving: - Give yourself permission to take breaks from grief - Don't judge yourself for moments of joy or normalcy - Recognize that avoiding the pain sometimes is self-protection, not denial - Understand that returning to the grief after a break is not "going backward"
The Science Behind It
Multiple studies have validated the DPM across different types of loss and different populations. Neuroimaging research has even shown that the brain processes loss-oriented and restoration-oriented activities differently, suggesting this oscillation may be hardwired into how humans cope with significant loss.
A 2016 meta-analysis found that interventions based on the DPM — those that acknowledged both the need to process loss AND the need to rebuild life — were more effective than those focusing on grief work alone.
Limitations & Considerations
Most DPM research has been conducted in Western, individualistic cultures. The model may need adaptation for collectivist cultures where grief is more communally processed. Additionally, the model describes typical grief and may not fully capture complicated grief or grief complicated by trauma.
Original Research
The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: A Decade On
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H.
OMEGA - Journal of Death and Dying, 2010
View on DOIDisclaimer:This digest is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a qualified mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment. If you're in crisis, please contact crisis support resources.